ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
