i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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