I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
