i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
