im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
