i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
