I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
tell me about the fingering
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
