dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do vagina's smell?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
