so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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