she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
