I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
