Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
