I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
