he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There are leaves in my underwear?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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