I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
