My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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