Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
