she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Success! We fucked roommates!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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