At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
