i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
