All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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