How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
