we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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