Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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