remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
