Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
