i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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