dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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