It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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