I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
as a side note pls kill me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
