That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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