i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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