I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
