i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
