You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
