I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
