Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
