i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
