got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
