How'd it feel making her break her religion?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
