You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
