Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
