It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
