This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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