And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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