It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
