Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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