so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
