I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Alive.
So much puke
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
