Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
