I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
