I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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