the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
