Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
