God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
